Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
