Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
