does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
