Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize