I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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