drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
