i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize