she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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