its not stalking. its research.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
