Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize