WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
