2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
