didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
