you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
