Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My ass is underappreciated
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
