oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and she was petting her beer can
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
