My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize