She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I understand Curling. That high.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
