Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize