and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
