Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can you bring me the toilet please
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
