Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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