Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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