The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
