Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
