Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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