Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
