We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
