ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
