Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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