she was so not down for the gang bang
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
