I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
