Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
