I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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