Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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