He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
