I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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