He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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