Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
