I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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