How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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