Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Two words: blizzard sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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