Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize