Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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