I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
