its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
