This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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