I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
