When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
