I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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