I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
