I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
