Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Randomize
