if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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