I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
