Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
