started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
