You're so nebulous sometimes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
