Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
