The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
