laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
