im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
