just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
