Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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