I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was born a porn star she said
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
