I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
