just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
