I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
