I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
