I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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