ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize