THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
