you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize