next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
