I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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