I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
