Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
