so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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