Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
