sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
