I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
